Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
