He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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