i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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