is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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