i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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