he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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