He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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