I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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