Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize