Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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