is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dick very happy bro
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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