He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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