We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You were trust falling into bushes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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