My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
