so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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