The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize