I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
