Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
