Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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