In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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