he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
