My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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