I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
