I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
4 words: hood of his car
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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