We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
