I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
