my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
