Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize