I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm too high and old for this...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
