Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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