She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
