You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
