This is not my ceiling
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
