I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
