I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
