just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
