she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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