I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
