I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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