Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Can Purell be used as lube?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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