I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
