ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
