well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
