This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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