my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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