so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
