I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
