Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
