Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
