Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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