It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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