I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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