is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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