dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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