you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am one with the molecules
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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