The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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