I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
