He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
