the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
