last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
