Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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