I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
