Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
