It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
