Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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