if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
