K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
