We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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