Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
